dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
