Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
