i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
