I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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