After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
