Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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