I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
