haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
