you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
