Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
