so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
