I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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