If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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