I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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