hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
