I think I died a long time ago.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
