Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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