Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
