This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
