idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
