What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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