WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
