If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
