I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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