how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
