A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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