Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
