Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
