Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
