Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
