Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
