it wasn't lemon gatorade
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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