dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
