Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
