so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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