I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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