so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
