I think I died a long time ago.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So many bounce houses so little time
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
