Nicole vs. Life
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
