Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
