Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
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