Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
