can u get pink eye on your cock?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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