Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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