Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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