i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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