I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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