Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
