I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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