at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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