just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
