I think i sorta joined a cult last night
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
