Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
