i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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